A Lament

You know it is time to make a change when you look in the mirror, at pictures, or at videos of yourself and want to puke! Too bad there are some things that I cannot change...

So, now that I am on facebook I haven't even thought about this blog! I spend all my "extra" time (if there really is such a thing) searching through my friends' pages to see what they are up to now. It is such fun!!! In my life now things are still pretty much the same. School is winding down, thank goodness, and my AP students took their test Thursday, which means all that is left is the senior project focus. I HATE this time of year at school though because everyone gets so snippy about the job -- including me -- like the pay cut, the school board decisions, the summer workshops that we all HATE and are tried to be forced to attend every year, the students who you bend over backwards to help and who just quit trying to pass at all, and really just about everything else that happens.

May is a crazy month with birthdays, mother's day, special days at school like class day and yearbook day, beginning play practice, etc. AND Aida practices have been very fun, even for just music nights. I absolutely L-O-V-E the music for the show and have been waiting so long to do this one. The excitement of the new building just adds to the anticipation of it all too.

Things at the store are fine too; April was a slow month, but May seems to have picked up a little. I am very amazed at what some total strangers will say though. For instance, one lady visiting from another state asked my employee in the course of the conversation if she was from here, and when Kathy said yes this customer asked her if she was inbred. Personally, I was offended and it wasn't even me! I would have probably lost it, but Kathy was cool and still nice to the lady. Others just don't hesitate to say really offensive things -- it kind of reminds me of what some people will feel free to say to pregnant women. Geesh, people, THINK about what you say!!!! Other than that, most of the people who come in the store are extremely nice and I really enjoy owning and running it.

So, that is the run down on my crazy life; nothing much has changed but there you have it. Sorry about the rambling! :)

So excited about...

Ai-da! Ai-da! Ai-ii-da! (I'm singing it in case you can't tell!) I have been waiting for this one for what? 2 years? Yay!!!!!!!!!! Oh, and I read Rachel's blog -- audition dance?! How come I know nothing about this?! Oh, Scot-ta.......????????? :)

No time yet...

So the show has ended and it feels so weird to not see everyone every night...I miss the show because it really was a lot of fun (although I am thankful to not have to take 35 minutes just to put my whole costume on!). However, it still has not completely settled down for me because I have been frantically working on my National Boards every spare minute because the entries have to be completed and postmarked in exactly ONE WEEK! AAAAHHHH! I have procrastinated too long and then got too busy to do it like I should, so now I feel the crunch. Such is my life always!! Maybe after Tuesday I will be able to breathe and be at home and relax and get all rested for the next show (should I be cast in it :) )

KIDDO!!

So my new employee is doing well -- she has jumped right in there (and thinks she owns the place, I think!) but she is one of those people who have the habit of calling everyone a pet name like honey, sweetie, sister, etc. The one that really got me, though, is when she called me kiddo. OK, she is a few years older than me but not by much, and I am her boss, so I can't really get my head around the fact that she referred to me as kiddo! :) She also feels the need to give me advice on what I should do or information on the vendors I have been dealing with for weeks like I have never met them. AH, well, at least she shows up, does her job, and I don't have to worry about it!

In my other life, Seussical is very fun. I am so tired (like everyone else right now) that I don't put forth all the energy that I need, but I really need the costume and the audience to feel like the character. I can't get over how many people are in the cast and on the stage and how much more crowded it will be when we all get out HUGE costumes on. I am afraid that some little children will die soon if they don't quit being so annoying...

I am still working on my National Board Certification, which has to be mailed by the 31st of THIS month -- YIKES!!!!!!!!!! I still have so much to do and not enough time to do it in! Once the show is over next week I will have to devote all my time to working on that. I may have to even do that instead of working at the store a few days.

I don't have any other life outside of these 3 things so that wraps up everything new with me. It is all fun and tiring and exciting and wonderful and crazy; that is the way life should be, I guess!

Another one bites the dust...

Well, I have just hired my THIRD employee in 4 months. The best I can figure, I must be a terrible boss!!!! :) The first employee took a full-time job in her career that she had left a year and a half ago, so I can't blame her. The second was doing fine but gave her notice last week because "it just wasn't working out" -- whatever THAT means! She is in her 60s, and I think the whole retail and computer thing was all too much for her to grasp. So, yesterday I hired another woman who has been unemployeed for awhile now, so maybe she will be so happy to have ANY job that she will stay for awhile -- or at least until June when I don't have to worry about not being able to be there. I don't know this woman so that makes me really nervous too; I hope she is OK... Ah, the joys of owning a business!

Homesick

North Carolina has been my home for 19 1/2 years now; this is where I met my husband 19
years ago; this is where my kids were born, where my husband and I had our homes together, where my beautiful NEW home is, where I have been for more than half my life. Why, oh, why am I feeling very homesick? It is not the obvious answer of warmer weather in Florida-- that never has entered my mind this last month. I am not quite sure what it is, but for the last month I have been weepy and depressed and very homesick. For about the 6th time in the last month I have suddenly realized that I am crying and have no explanation as to why. I am not so sure it is really for Florida at all, or even so much as for my family (although that is definitely part of it since I have missed spending the last 2 Christmases with them); instead, I think it might be more like nostalgia for a time in my life where I did not have responsibilities and had friends to hang out with almost every night. I long for that time where I could just laugh and hang out with people who know me and love me and be myself, with no worries. I really miss socializing with people and feel sad that I have very few people I can do that with anymore. I think I also miss feeling excited about life in general. Now don't get me wrong, I am not having a pity party for myself or anything -- I have wonderful friends! I just long to be 18 again, full of life, driving a fast/sporty little car instead of a minivan, nothing to worry about except what we will all do tomorrow night, riding along with the radio cranked up singing at the top of my lungs to some silly song (though I currently do that to some silly musical numbers), going to the beach or out in a boat for some adventure, staying up till early in the morning at friends' houses because we were up giggling most of the night or watching some silly movie (instead of thinking how I will NEVER get up in the morning if I don't fall asleep before 11:00!), and just all around having a good time. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life now, and my husband (wonderful as he is to me) doesn't understand because this is the only place he has ever had any roots. He moved around so much growing up that THIS is his home. I feel like I am caught between 2 worlds and 2 lives. I love my husband and kids and my friends now, but I am never silly anymore, my husband doesn't giggle with me or sing along at the top of his lungs (of course, that might be a good thing -- it IS kind of a scary thought now that I have said it!), that when I do something that is a little different I get weird looks from people around me, that my life is routine and most of the time mundane, and that I will never be able to go back to that time in my life where I feel spontaneous/silly/accepted/whatever. Alas, I guess this all comes with getting old and feeling old -- I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!