Homesick

North Carolina has been my home for 19 1/2 years now; this is where I met my husband 19
years ago; this is where my kids were born, where my husband and I had our homes together, where my beautiful NEW home is, where I have been for more than half my life. Why, oh, why am I feeling very homesick? It is not the obvious answer of warmer weather in Florida-- that never has entered my mind this last month. I am not quite sure what it is, but for the last month I have been weepy and depressed and very homesick. For about the 6th time in the last month I have suddenly realized that I am crying and have no explanation as to why. I am not so sure it is really for Florida at all, or even so much as for my family (although that is definitely part of it since I have missed spending the last 2 Christmases with them); instead, I think it might be more like nostalgia for a time in my life where I did not have responsibilities and had friends to hang out with almost every night. I long for that time where I could just laugh and hang out with people who know me and love me and be myself, with no worries. I really miss socializing with people and feel sad that I have very few people I can do that with anymore. I think I also miss feeling excited about life in general. Now don't get me wrong, I am not having a pity party for myself or anything -- I have wonderful friends! I just long to be 18 again, full of life, driving a fast/sporty little car instead of a minivan, nothing to worry about except what we will all do tomorrow night, riding along with the radio cranked up singing at the top of my lungs to some silly song (though I currently do that to some silly musical numbers), going to the beach or out in a boat for some adventure, staying up till early in the morning at friends' houses because we were up giggling most of the night or watching some silly movie (instead of thinking how I will NEVER get up in the morning if I don't fall asleep before 11:00!), and just all around having a good time. I feel like I am just going through the motions of life now, and my husband (wonderful as he is to me) doesn't understand because this is the only place he has ever had any roots. He moved around so much growing up that THIS is his home. I feel like I am caught between 2 worlds and 2 lives. I love my husband and kids and my friends now, but I am never silly anymore, my husband doesn't giggle with me or sing along at the top of his lungs (of course, that might be a good thing -- it IS kind of a scary thought now that I have said it!), that when I do something that is a little different I get weird looks from people around me, that my life is routine and most of the time mundane, and that I will never be able to go back to that time in my life where I feel spontaneous/silly/accepted/whatever. Alas, I guess this all comes with getting old and feeling old -- I DON'T LIKE IT!!!!

A blur...

It is very true that the older you get the more quickly time passes. 2008 is really kind of a blur for me. I've read friends' blogs where each recapped the highlights or significant events of the last year, and I started thinking through the past year for me. Either I am really boring because nothing signifacant happened to me or I just can't remember anything -- another sign of old age, I'm afraid! 2008 seemed to fly by but at the same time, as I look back at it, I feel like January was forever ago. At the beginning of the year I was teaching school and waiting tables, I had a student teacher a couple of days a week, I started working on my National Board certification, I missed out on doing Cinderella, I started preparing for opening my store and suffered through the waiting and slow process of the building completion and lived with a store full of inventory in my house for many months, I celebrated 15 years of marriage, I got to yell a lot and hit people as Lucy in Charlie Brown, I got to see some old friends VERY briefly for a sad occassion, I had my first real accident when my car got rear-ended, I FINALLY moved into and opened the store, and the rest is more of the same. See? boring! Before Christmas I spoke to a girl that I used to be great friends with as a kid; she and I have not had any contact for at least 20 years, so when she called me out of the blue and we started catching up she kept asking me, "So, what have you DONE the last 20 years?" After I told her I got married, started teaching, had 2 kids, built a new house, and opened a store I had nothing else to say. She asked what I did in my spare time/for fun, and I told her I did plays a couple of times a year. She asked me what else I did, and I did not know what to say. I teach, I run the store, I do piles of dirty dishes and laundry, I play games with my kids, I grade way too many papers, I take my kids to gymnastics and sports practice, I try to make it to a few of my husband's baseball games, I go to play practice and performances, and I try to sleep 7 hours a night. There is no other time to do anything else; I guess that is what makes my life and the last year such a blur. It is fun all the same though! :)

OH NO!

Only 12 more shopping days until Christmas, and I actually only have 2 since I will have to shop on Sunday afternoons! AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! My tree isn't even up yet because I can't quite get the energy to pull all the stuff out. How can a season I love so much also be one I hate so much? I always feel so rushed to get shopping done in between Christmas programs, and now the store every night and Saturday, Avery's basketball, and Christmas parties and dinners, etc., etc., etc. It is all so fun and so tiring and so busy! I just have to keep reminding myself what it is really important.

Smile and Wave, boys...

Even though I was a solid chunk of ice when it was all over, I had fun Sunday with several friends smiling, waving, and feliz navidad-ing. Here is a picture of me in my dress...

Just kidding! We all know that we would never use costumes like these as long as Scot-Ta is the boss! :)

It was quite fun riding beside my partner in crime -- Mr. Teen Wolf himself...if only we had remembered the rose everyone would have known who we were...

...and the best part of the whole day was eating hot pizza and enjoying the company of those friends I have not had the chance to see for a while! AAAHHHH! What fun!

Thankgiving

With Thanksgiving being tomorrow, here are a few things I am thankful for...(NOT in order of importance to me)

I am thankful for Sundays since it is my only day "off" now, even though I am not able to rest most of the time.

I am thankful for a few more hours of sleep today and that I decided not to work at school today.

I am thankful for my friends who love and support me through all kinds of things.

I am thankful for ooey gooey cinnamon rolls that I make with my kids.

I am thankful for animated movies and for the chance to go see them and laugh with all the children in the theater.

I am thankful for goofy, fun people who keep blogs that make me crack up.

I am thankful for the health of my family.

I am thankful for my husband who has really stepped up in helping me now that the store is open and I am there all the time.

I am thankful for the student teacher I have had for the last 12 weeks, whose ability has allowed me to feel good about giving up my classes and being more flexible for the store's opening month.

I am thankful that my student teacher is now done and I get my classroom back Monday.

I am thankful for the friends I have had my whole life.

I am thankful for the friends I have made in the last 10 years.

I am thankful for my sisters and their love and support.

I am thankful for health and ability to work.

I am thankful that I have a warm coat and fuzzy socks that are helping me to keep warm in this FREEZING weather!

I am thankful that I do not have to fix dinner tomorrow!

I am thankful that our school system has a supplement now because I have some money to buy Christmas presents.

I am thankful for so many things and there is not enough room to write it all down. Make sure to tell the ones you love that you are thankful for them! Happy Turkey Day!

No time like the present...

because I am always running to catch up to it! :) There is not enough time in the day to do ordinary things, let alone to do stuff for my 2 jobs! The store had a good first week and a good grand opening, but I am about dead right now because last Sunday was the only day off I have had in the last 16 days -- I worked 12-13 hour days a week ago Friday and Saturday and 6 hours of Sunday to get the store open, worked both jobs all last week, worked 10 hours last Saturday for the grand opening, and finally had Sunday to go to church and then try to catch up on grocery shopping, laundry, dirty dishes, house cleaning, etc. What a day off, huh?! It has been fun, though, and I would not change anything about it (except to have about 2 more hours of sleep each night!).

WOW!

OK, now we have what I have been waiting for... WE ARE OPEN! The computer and boxes are out of my house finally and the store is open for business. I have worked about 54 hours over the last 5 days at the store, and with the wonderful help of my 2 sisters, my mom and dad, and my brother-in-law, we moved merchandise in Friday and opened on Monday. If you come in the store you will see what a tremendous task that truly was because we have SO much stuff! We have had really positive feedback from everyone (some little old ladies have left without saying anything at all, so it might not appeal to them :) ), and we have had pretty good days and traffic with no advertising other than a sign on the road. This Saturday will be our grand opening and we will have food for a donation going to the hospital's digital mammography machine to tie in with breast cancer awareness month (since we are going to focus on a different organization/charity every month and because it is fitting with my sister's history). Scot-Ta will be doing some music, the AM station will be doing a live remote, we will be raffling off a couple of gift certificates with the proceeds from that also going to the hospital, and lots of other goodies. Come and see!!! :)